Straight Talk on Gay Parenting

By Sam Trego on Nov 06th, 2010

Alek and Sam TregoBefore I dive in to my first article, I want to thank all my FaceBook friends who contributed to the name of what I hope will become a very popular weekly feature column in the San Diego LGBT Weekly.  I needed all the help I could get.  I’m a show producer, not a writer.  One of the performers in my touring show “iL CiRCo” came up with the name:  “Mary Has A Little Man”.  I always thought Chris was cute, amazingly talented and has an Adonis of a body, but he’s a total smart ass.  I appreciate Chris’ wit and humor…  I just can’t see myself as “Mary”, you know?  Another name I really loved was The Courtship of Alek’s Father.  I loved that series growing up.  I loved the relationship between the rather 70’s looking but very datable Bill Bixby and that adorable little boy he had.  To be honest, I think it was from that series that I always knew that I wanted to be a father.  Never would I imagine what the past five years of my life, a terrific doctor, egg donor, attorney, and surrogate would bring.  Aleksandr Sevastian Trego was lovingly carried for 9 months for me by a woman who is truly the definition of God’s angel on earth, Shantel Zadrozny.  Born on February 28, 2006, my little “Eddie” has been a blessing to such a degree that it’s impossible to understand until you’re in the midst of it.  I am eternally grateful to Shantel and I wish her the many blessings in life that she has given to me.

I guess the concept of doing this column was born at a very historic day in our movement’s history:  August 4, 2010, the “Day of Decision” that made Proposition 8 illegal.  Outside the Center after the march, there were crowds of people.  Strangers hugging strangers.  Friends holding each other with tears streaming down their eyes.  I will never forget the euphoric feeling.  Then my dear friend Randy Carmichael said to me “here Sam, give Alek my rainbow flag”.  It was at that moment that “the picture” was taken.  Like any proud father, I posted that photo on FaceBook.  After about 50 comments left, I noticed a trend that people were saying that this needs to be the national icon of our community’s pride… that this photo captured the euphoria that we were all feeling.  The photo appeared in the August 12th magazine, with the feature story “The Day of Decision 2010”.  Response to that photo was huge, and the magazine shortly asked to do a feature story on my son and I.  “Sam and Alek Trego… San Diego Activists” was featured in the magazine a week.  I think it’s an incredibly important topic and I know judging from the many questions I’ve gotten in the community after the article ran, that there’s a longing to connect to other gay parents, and a longing for those who are not parents to know more.  More about the process of becoming a parent.  If I had such connections, I might not have waited until I was 45 before I had my first child.  So it’s with that spirit that I hope to develop a community within a community here with this weekly column.  A place where we can all come to get information, to open dialogue, get questions answered, have a few laughs, and perhaps meet each other and one day have a few “play dates” together.
When they asked me to write this, my first reaction was “great… one more thing to do.  That’s JUST what I need”.  My second reaction is “I HAVE to do this… this is JUST what our community needs.”  You see, my entire life I felt like a fish swimming upstream.  So it bothers me when gay people are stereotyped the way we often are.  Especially by the right wing nuts who dedicate their lives trying to bring us harm, and take away our rights.  I’m not that stereotype.  I couldn’t even have kids the “normal” way gay people do… date the guy, move in together, sell the condo at Uptown and move into the house in Kensington and adopt.  Oh no… not me.  I had to be me and make it really hard.  I had to do this as a single man.  I had to spend weeks combing a database of thousands of egg donors.  What is the donor’s IQ?  What color hair does she have?  Does she have a cute brother?  Are her grandparents still alive?  Does she live near a toxic waste dump?  What were her S.A.T. scores?
The truth is that there are no stereotypes in this beautiful community.  We all do it our own unique way.  That’s how we got here.  We all have a story about “not fitting in”.  So bit by bit, the “stereotype” of our community is being shattered, and we are demanding to be treated fairly, and represented fairly.  That lie about how gay marriage will destroy straight people’s children isn’t sticking any longer.  It’s now being realized that gay marriage is actually GOOD for people’s children… especially the children of gay people.  How about that!  The very argument used FOR proposition 8 is now being used AGAINST it in the courts.  Truth has a way of prevailing.  It’s just a painful process sometimes.
We are fortunate that we live in San Diego, a city where there are a lot of gay people with children.  I have enormous respect for anyone who has decided to become a parent and face the onslaught of condemnation, judgment and odd looks at the grocery store when we travel outside the safety zone of our community.  Your courage is that which will be passed down to your children, and your children will be just a little more confident, a little more understanding, a little more accepting and loving than most other children.  Imagine if all parents would pass those traits on to their children.  Think of what the next generation would be!  Think of the impact that this would have on policy, the legal system, the implementation of constitutional rights.  Try telling the judge that gay marriage is going to hurt the children.  That judge just might be the child of gay parents, and then the truth, not the political chatter, will be known.  Our children bring many blessings for us personally.  We often don’t take the time for a bird’s eye view of what it brings for the next generations.  It’s has a huge ripple effect.  What we do now will affect others for a long time to come.  For that reason, my personal advice is to be fruitful and multiply!
I’m going to be getting a website up with a blog where I would ask that you be part of this dialogue.  Be part of this conversation with me, won’t you?  I’ll be letting you know what that website is and specifically how you can be part of this column in the coming weeks, but for now, feel free to contact me at samtrego@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.
Before I dive in to my first article, I want to thank all my FaceBook friends who contributed to the name of what I hope will become a very popular weekly feature column in the San Diego LGBT Weekly.  I needed all the help I could get.  I’m a show producer, not a writer.  One of the performers in my touring show “iL CiRCo” came up with the name:  “Mary Has A Little Man”.  I always thought Chris was cute, amazingly talented and has an Adonis of a body, but he’s a total smart ass.  I appreciate Chris’ wit and humor…  I just can’t see myself as “Mary”, you know?  Another name I really loved was The Courtship of Alek’s Father.  I loved that series growing up.  I loved the relationship between the rather 70’s looking but very datable Bill Bixby and that adorable little boy he had.  To be honest, I think it was from that series that I always knew that I wanted to be a father.  Never would I imagine what the past five years of my life, a terrific doctor, egg donor, attorney, and surrogate would bring.  Aleksandr Sevastian Trego was lovingly carried for 9 months for me by a woman who is truly the definition of God’s angel on earth, Shantel Zadrozny.  Born on February 28, 2006, my little “Eddie” has been a blessing to such a degree that it’s impossible to understand until you’re in the midst of it.  I am eternally grateful to Shantel and I wish her the many blessings in life that she has given to me.
I guess the concept of doing this column was born at a very historic day in our movement’s history:  August 4, 2010, the “Day of Decision” that made Proposition 8 illegal.  Outside the Center after the march, there were crowds of people.  Strangers hugging strangers.  Friends holding each other with tears streaming down their eyes.  I will never forget the euphoric feeling.  Then my dear friend Randy Carmichael said to me “here Sam, give Alek my rainbow flag”.  It was at that moment that “the picture” was taken.  Like any proud father, I posted that photo on FaceBook.  After about 50 comments left, I noticed a trend that people were saying that this needs to be the national icon of our community’s pride… that this photo captured the euphoria that we were all feeling.  The photo appeared in the August 12th magazine, with the feature story “The Day of Decision 2010”.  Response to that photo was huge, and the magazine shortly asked to do a feature story on my son and I.  “Sam and Alek Trego… San Diego Activists” was featured in the magazine a week.  I think it’s an incredibly important topic and I know judging from the many questions I’ve gotten in the community after the article ran, that there’s a longing to connect to other gay parents, and a longing for those who are not parents to know more.  More about the process of becoming a parent.  If I had such connections, I might not have waited until I was 45 before I had my first child.  So it’s with that spirit that I hope to develop a community within a community here with this weekly column.  A place where we can all come to get information, to open dialogue, get questions answered, have a few laughs, and perhaps meet each other and one day have a few “play dates” together.
When they asked me to write this, my first reaction was “great… one more thing to do.  That’s JUST what I need”.  My second reaction is “I HAVE to do this… this is JUST what our community needs.”  You see, my entire life I felt like a fish swimming upstream.  So it bothers me when gay people are stereotyped the way we often are.  Especially by the right wing nuts who dedicate their lives trying to bring us harm, and take away our rights.  I’m not that stereotype.  I couldn’t even have kids the “normal” way gay people do… date the guy, move in together, sell the condo at Uptown and move into the house in Kensington and adopt.  Oh no… not me.  I had to be me and make it really hard.  I had to do this as a single man.  I had to spend weeks combing a database of thousands of egg donors.  What is the donor’s IQ?  What color hair does she have?  Does she have a cute brother?  Are her grandparents still alive?  Does she live near a toxic waste dump?  What were her S.A.T. scores?
The truth is that there are no stereotypes in this beautiful community.  We all do it our own unique way.  That’s how we got here.  We all have a story about “not fitting in”.  So bit by bit, the “stereotype” of our community is being shattered, and we are demanding to be treated fairly, and represented fairly.  That lie about how gay marriage will destroy straight people’s children isn’t sticking any longer.  It’s now being realized that gay marriage is actually GOOD for people’s children… especially the children of gay people.  How about that!  The very argument used FOR proposition 8 is now being used AGAINST it in the courts.  Truth has a way of prevailing.  It’s just a painful process sometimes.
We are fortunate that we live in San Diego, a city where there are a lot of gay people with children.  I have enormous respect for anyone who has decided to become a parent and face the onslaught of condemnation, judgment and odd looks at the grocery store when we travel outside the safety zone of our community.  Your courage is that which will be passed down to your children, and your children will be just a little more confident, a little more understanding, a little more accepting and loving than most other children.  Imagine if all parents would pass those traits on to their children.  Think of what the next generation would be!  Think of the impact that this would have on policy, the legal system, the implementation of constitutional rights.  Try telling the judge that gay marriage is going to hurt the children.  That judge just might be the child of gay parents, and then the truth, not the political chatter, will be known.  Our children bring many blessings for us personally.  We often don’t take the time for a bird’s eye view of what it brings for the next generations.  It’s has a huge ripple effect.  What we do now will affect others for a long time to come.  For that reason, my personal advice is to be fruitful and multiply!
I’m going to be getting a website up with a blog where I would ask that you be part of this dialogue.  Be part of this conversation with me, won’t you?  I’ll be letting you know what that website is and specifically how you can be part of this column in the coming weeks, but for now, feel free to contact me at samtrego@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Before I dive in to my first article, I want to thank all my FaceBook friends who contributed to the name of what I hope will become a very popular weekly feature column in the San Diego LGBT Weekly.  I needed all the help I could get.  I’m a show producer, not a writer.  One of the performers in my touring show “iL CiRCo” came up with the name:  “Mary Has A Little Man”.  I always thought Chris was cute, amazingly talented and has an Adonis of a body, but he’s a total smart ass.  I appreciate Chris’ wit and humor…  I just can’t see myself as “Mary”, you know?  Another name I really loved was The Courtship of Alek’s Father.  I loved that series growing up.  I loved the relationship between the rather 70’s looking but very datable Bill Bixby and that adorable little boy he had.  To be honest, I think it was from that series that I always knew that I wanted to be a father.  Never would I imagine what the past five years of my life, a terrific doctor, egg donor, attorney, and surrogate would bring.  Aleksandr Sevastian Trego was lovingly carried for 9 months for me by a woman who is truly the definition of God’s angel on earth, Shantel Zadrozny.  Born on February 28, 2006, my little “Eddie” has been a blessing to such a degree that it’s impossible to understand until you’re in the midst of it.  I am eternally grateful to Shantel and I wish her the many blessings in life that she has given to me.I guess the concept of doing this column was born at a very historic day in our movement’s history:  August 4, 2010, the “Day of Decision” that made Proposition 8 illegal.  Outside the Center after the march, there were crowds of people.  Strangers hugging strangers.  Friends holding each other with tears streaming down their eyes.  I will never forget the euphoric feeling.  Then my dear friend Randy Carmichael said to me “here Sam, give Alek my rainbow flag”.  It was at that moment that “the picture” was taken.  Like any proud father, I posted that photo on FaceBook.  After about 50 comments left, I noticed a trend that people were saying that this needs to be the national icon of our community’s pride… that this photo captured the euphoria that we were all feeling.  The photo appeared in the August 12th magazine, with the feature story “The Day of Decision 2010”.  Response to that photo was huge, and the magazine shortly asked to do a feature story on my son and I.  “Sam and Alek Trego… San Diego Activists” was featured in the magazine a week.  I think it’s an incredibly important topic and I know judging from the many questions I’ve gotten in the community after the article ran, that there’s a longing to connect to other gay parents, and a longing for those who are not parents to know more.  More about the process of becoming a parent.  If I had such connections, I might not have waited until I was 45 before I had my first child.  So it’s with that spirit that I hope to develop a community within a community here with this weekly column.  A place where we can all come to get information, to open dialogue, get questions answered, have a few laughs, and perhaps meet each other and one day have a few “play dates” together.When they asked me to write this, my first reaction was “great… one more thing to do.  That’s JUST what I need”.  My second reaction is “I HAVE to do this… this is JUST what our community needs.”  You see, my entire life I felt like a fish swimming upstream.  So it bothers me when gay people are stereotyped the way we often are.  Especially by the right wing nuts who dedicate their lives trying to bring us harm, and take away our rights.  I’m not that stereotype.  I couldn’t even have kids the “normal” way gay people do… date the guy, move in together, sell the condo at Uptown and move into the house in Kensington and adopt.  Oh no… not me.  I had to be me and make it really hard.  I had to do this as a single man.  I had to spend weeks combing a database of thousands of egg donors.  What is the donor’s IQ?  What color hair does she have?  Does she have a cute brother?  Are her grandparents still alive?  Does she live near a toxic waste dump?  What were her S.A.T. scores?The truth is that there are no stereotypes in this beautiful community.  We all do it our own unique way.  That’s how we got here.  We all have a story about “not fitting in”.  So bit by bit, the “stereotype” of our community is being shattered, and we are demanding to be treated fairly, and represented fairly.  That lie about how gay marriage will destroy straight people’s children isn’t sticking any longer.  It’s now being realized that gay marriage is actually GOOD for people’s children… especially the children of gay people.  How about that!  The very argument used FOR proposition 8 is now being used AGAINST it in the courts.  Truth has a way of prevailing.  It’s just a painful process sometimes.We are fortunate that we live in San Diego, a city where there are a lot of gay people with children.  I have enormous respect for anyone who has decided to become a parent and face the onslaught of condemnation, judgment and odd looks at the grocery store when we travel outside the safety zone of our community.  Your courage is that which will be passed down to your children, and your children will be just a little more confident, a little more understanding, a little more accepting and loving than most other children.  Imagine if all parents would pass those traits on to their children.  Think of what the next generation would be!  Think of the impact that this would have on policy, the legal system, the implementation of constitutional rights.  Try telling the judge that gay marriage is going to hurt the children.  That judge just might be the child of gay parents, and then the truth, not the political chatter, will be known.  Our children bring many blessings for us personally.  We often don’t take the time for a bird’s eye view of what it brings for the next generations.  It’s has a huge ripple effect.  What we do now will affect others for a long time to come.  For that reason, my personal advice is to be fruitful and multiply!I’m going to be getting a website up with a blog where I would ask that you be part of this dialogue.  Be part of this conversation with me, won’t you?  I’ll be letting you know what that website is and specifically how you can be part of this column in the coming weeks, but for now, feel free to contact me at samtrego@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Before I dive in to my first article, I want to thank all my FaceBook friends who contributed to the name of what I hope will become a very popular weekly feature column in the San Diego LGBT Weekly.  I needed all the help I could get.  I’m a show producer, not a writer.  One of the performers in my touring show “iL CiRCo” came up with the name:  “Mary Has A Little Man”.  I always thought Chris was cute, amazingly talented and has an Adonis of a body, but he’s a total smart ass.  I appreciate Chris’ wit and humor…  I just can’t see myself as “Mary”, you know?  Another name I really loved was The Courtship of Alek’s Father.  I loved that series growing up.  I loved the relationship between the rather 70’s looking but very datable Bill Bixby and that adorable little boy he had.  To be honest, I think it was from that series that I always knew that I wanted to be a father.  Never would I imagine what the past five years of my life, a terrific doctor, egg donor, attorney, and surrogate would bring.  Aleksandr Sevastian Trego was lovingly carried for 9 months for me by a woman who is truly the definition of God’s angel on earth, Shantel Zadrozny.  Born on February 28, 2006, my little “Eddie” has been a blessing to such a degree that it’s impossible to understand until you’re in the midst of it.  I am eternally grateful to Shantel and I wish her the many blessings in life that she has given to me.

I guess the concept of doing this column was born at a very historic day in our movement’s history:  August 4, 2010, the “Day of Decision” that made Proposition 8 illegal.  Outside the Center after the march, there were crowds of people.  Strangers hugging strangers.  Friends holding each other with tears streaming down their eyes.  I will never forget the euphoric feeling.  Then my dear friend Randy Carmichael said to me “here Sam, give Alek my rainbow flag”.  It was at that moment that “the picture” was taken.  Like any proud father, I posted that photo on FaceBook.  After about 50 comments left, I noticed a trend that people were saying that this needs to be the national icon of our community’s pride… that this photo captured the euphoria that we were all feeling.  The photo appeared in the August 12th magazine, with the feature story “The Day of Decision 2010”.  Response to that photo was huge, and the magazine shortly asked to do a feature story on my son and I.  “Sam and Alek Trego… San Diego Activists” was featured in the magazine a week.  I think it’s an incredibly important topic and I know judging from the many questions I’ve gotten in the community after the article ran, that there’s a longing to connect to other gay parents, and a longing for those who are not parents to know more.  More about the process of becoming a parent.  If I had such connections, I might not have waited until I was 45 before I had my first child.  So it’s with that spirit that I hope to develop a community within a community here with this weekly column.  A place where we can all come to get information, to open dialogue, get questions answered, have a few laughs, and perhaps meet each other and one day have a few “play dates” together.When they asked me to write this, my first reaction was “great… one more thing to do.  That’s JUST what I need”.  My second reaction is “I HAVE to do this… this is JUST what our community needs.”  You see, my entire life I felt like a fish swimming upstream.  So it bothers me when gay people are stereotyped the way we often are.  Especially by the right wing nuts who dedicate their lives trying to bring us harm, and take away our rights.  I’m not that stereotype.  I couldn’t even have kids the “normal” way gay people do… date the guy, move in together, sell the condo at Uptown and move into the house in Kensington and adopt.  Oh no… not me.  I had to be me and make it really hard.  I had to do this as a single man.  I had to spend weeks combing a database of thousands of egg donors.  What is the donor’s IQ?  What color hair does she have?  Does she have a cute brother?  Are her grandparents still alive?  Does she live near a toxic waste dump?  What were her S.A.T. scores?The truth is that there are no stereotypes in this beautiful community.  We all do it our own unique way.  That’s how we got here.  We all have a story about “not fitting in”.  So bit by bit, the “stereotype” of our community is being shattered, and we are demanding to be treated fairly, and represented fairly.  That lie about how gay marriage will destroy straight people’s children isn’t sticking any longer.  It’s now being realized that gay marriage is actually GOOD for people’s children… especially the children of gay people.  How about that!  The very argument used FOR proposition 8 is now being used AGAINST it in the courts.  Truth has a way of prevailing.  It’s just a painful process sometimes.We are fortunate that we live in San Diego, a city where there are a lot of gay people with children.  I have enormous respect for anyone who has decided to become a parent and face the onslaught of condemnation, judgment and odd looks at the grocery store when we travel outside the safety zone of our community.  Your courage is that which will be passed down to your children, and your children will be just a little more confident, a little more understanding, a little more accepting and loving than most other children.  Imagine if all parents would pass those traits on to their children.  Think of what the next generation would be!  Think of the impact that this would have on policy, the legal system, the implementation of constitutional rights.  Try telling the judge that gay marriage is going to hurt the children.  That judge just might be the child of gay parents, and then the truth, not the political chatter, will be known.  Our children bring many blessings for us personally.  We often don’t take the time for a bird’s eye view of what it brings for the next generations.  It’s has a huge ripple effect.  What we do now will affect others for a long time to come.  For that reason, my personal advice is to be fruitful and multiply!I’m going to be getting a website up with a blog where I would ask that you be part of this dialogue.  Be part of this conversation with me, won’t you?  I’ll be letting you know what that website is and specifically how you can be part of this column in the coming weeks, but for now, feel free to contact me at samtrego@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.



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